?

Log in

Thu, Nov. 14th, 2013, 01:44 pm

I doubt many people have a complicated relationship with reading. Either they love it or they don't. Either they have time for it or they don't. I kind of think you SHOULD have a complicated relationship with reading. To me, reading calls for discernment yet also an inherent vulnerability.

But ultimately I'm a practical theological kind of girl. When I had no friends, and my mind was too large for my circumstances, I read a ton. Very formative in a good way. But when I finally looked up, shyly seeking approval, I saw that noses in books weren't helpful to me. To see me, one has to see more than books.

Obviously, I still think reading is good. I think I even believe it's a coping exercise with great benefits. But my stint of copious books is being set aside once more. After reading a complete series in about two or three weeks, I need to come up for air. Not cuz I want to, but because I don't want other parts of my life to pass me by. Duty but also delight calls toward a broader life than ink on pages or a screen.

My oldest daughter has started smothering me with kisses. Literally. To be honest, it makes me feel really awkward and I must have some very distasteful looks on my face sometime! Still, I do not deserve her. I do not deserve her love. I do not deserve her unconditional attention, ready forgiveness, and frequent approval. I can't say she wants to be me, but ... I think she's teaching me what human respect looks like. (I do respect my husband, of course, but this is somehow different.) She isn't necessarily obedient, but she certainly gives me weight!

So today's a day for me to be thankful for even more of God's gifts. :) After receiving the blessings of cathartic fiction and drinking to the dregs.